Beginner's Guide to Choosing Your First Dildo
SSMTOYS Editorial Team
Release Date: March 14, 2026
If you’re here, you’re probably standing at the edge of something exciting — maybe a little nervous, maybe a little curious, but definitely ready to explore pleasure on your own terms. Choosing your first dildo isn’t just about picking a toy off a shelf; it’s about finding something that feels right for your body, your comfort level, and the kind of sensations you want to discover. For many people, the first dildo marks the beginning of a deeper relationship with their own sexuality, one that can bring confidence, relaxation, and some seriously satisfying orgasms.
The good news? You don’t need to be an expert. You just need honest, practical information that cuts through the overwhelm. That’s exactly what this guide delivers. We’ll walk through every aspect of choosing, using, and caring for a dildo — from the different types and materials available to the real talk on safety, play techniques, and even what happens if you get a little carried away with your new favorite toy. Along the way, we’ll draw on insights from trusted sex educators, retailers, and medical professionals who have spent years helping beginners like you navigate this world safely and enjoyably.
Whether you’re shopping for vaginal play, anal exploration, or both, this isn’t about rushing into anything intimidating. It’s about starting smart, listening to your body, and building confidence one pleasurable step at a time. By the end, you’ll feel empowered to make a choice that truly works for you — and you’ll know exactly how to enjoy it while keeping things safe and healthy. Let’s dive in.
Understanding Dildos: What They Are and Why They Matter for Beginners
A dildo is simply a phallic-shaped object designed for penetration — vaginal, anal, or even oral if you choose. Unlike vibrators, which focus on vibration, dildos are all about the feeling of fullness, pressure, and targeted stimulation. They come in endless varieties, but the core purpose stays the same: to help you explore internal pleasure, discover sensitive spots like the G-spot or P-spot, and enjoy sensations that fingers or other toys might not reach as effectively.
For beginners, the biggest myth to bust right away is that bigger is better or that you need something realistic to enjoy it. Not true. Many first-timers start with something modest in size and non-realistic in shape, and they end up loving it more than they ever expected. The key is matching the toy to your experience level and preferences. If you’ve never tried penetration before, or if you’re coming back after a break, a dildo can feel like a gentle introduction to what your body is capable of feeling.
Think of your first dildo as a trusted companion rather than a challenge. It should feel exciting to look at, comfortable to hold, and easy to imagine using. Many people report that once they find “the one,” their confidence in the bedroom — solo or partnered — skyrockets. And the best part? Modern dildos are safer and more varied than ever, thanks to better materials and thoughtful designs from reputable makers.
Exploring the Different Types of Dildos
One of the first things that can overwhelm new buyers is the sheer variety. Here’s a clear breakdown of the main types you’ll encounter, with honest thoughts on who each suits best.
Realistic Dildos
These mimic the look and feel of a penis, complete with veins, a defined head, and sometimes balls or a foreskin. They’re popular because they feel familiar and can create a very immersive experience. For beginners who like the visual or psychological aspect of realism, start small — think 5-6 inches insertable length and about 1.25 inches in diameter. Brands often use dual-density silicone here to give a soft outer “skin” over a firmer core, which feels incredibly lifelike without being overwhelming. Just remember: realism is optional. If it doesn’t appeal, skip it.
Non-Realistic or Abstract Dildos
These come in smooth, curved, or artistic shapes — think rockets, waves, or simple tapered shafts. They’re fantastic for beginners who want discretion or prefer focusing purely on sensation over appearance. Many have a slight curve for G-spot or prostate stimulation, making them excellent for targeted pleasure. A smooth, straight non-realistic dildo is often the easiest entry point because there’s nothing visually intimidating and the focus stays on how it feels inside.
G-Spot or P-Spot Targeted Dildos
Slightly curved with a bulbous or angled head, these are designed to hit the front vaginal wall (G-spot) or the prostate (P-spot for anal). Beginners love them once they learn the right angle — usually a gentle rocking or “come hither” motion rather than thrusting. Examples like the classic curve shapes make it easier to discover internal sweet spots without guessing.
Double-Ended Dildos
Longer and flexible, these are great for partnered play or self-use in creative positions. One end for you, the other for a partner, or both for solo fun. They’re typically slimmer at each end and require a bit more coordination, so they’re better as a second or third dildo once you’re comfortable with single-ended ones.
Anal-Specific Dildos
Always look for a flared base — a wide, stable bottom that prevents the toy from slipping inside. These can be tapered for easy entry and often have beads or bulbs for progressive stretching. Beginners should start extra small here and always use plenty of lube. Anal play with a proper dildo can feel incredibly pleasurable, but safety comes first with that flared base.
Strap-On or Harness-Compatible Dildos
These have a sturdy base designed to fit into a harness for partner penetration. Many also work solo with suction cups. If you think you’ll eventually play with a partner, choosing one with a compatible base keeps your options open.
Suction-Cup Dildos
A flat, strong suction base lets you stick the toy to floors, walls, or shower tiles for hands-free riding. Perfect for solo exploration and a favorite among beginners who want to experiment with different angles and movements.
Textured vs. Smooth Dildos
Smooth for easy insertion and gentle play; textured (veins, ridges, bumps) for extra stimulation. Beginners often start smooth and add texture later once their body knows what it likes.
No matter the type, the golden rule for your first dildo is this: start modest. Average penis size is around 5.5 inches long and 1.5 inches wide, but many beginners happily begin smaller and work up. You’ll likely outgrow your first one — and that’s part of the fun.
Dildo Materials: What’s Body-Safe and Why It Matters
Material choice is the single most important decision for safety and longevity. Cheap materials can harbor bacteria, leach chemicals, or break down quickly. Here’s the honest breakdown based on what experts consistently recommend.
Body-Safe Platinum-Cure Silicone (Top Choice for Beginners)
Non-porous, hypoallergenic, flexible yet strong, and easy to clean. It warms to body temperature, holds lube well, and lasts for years. Dual-density versions feel soft outside with a firmer core — incredibly realistic. Platinum-cure (medical-grade) is the purest form; avoid anything just labeled “silicone” without the platinum mention. It’s dishwasher-safe (top rack) or boilable for sterilization. This is what 90% of experienced users and educators recommend for first-timers.
Borosilicate Glass
Crystal-clear, completely non-porous, and temperature-play friendly (warm or cool it safely). It feels firm and smooth, great for G-spot pressure. Easy to clean — boil or dishwasher. Just handle carefully; high-quality borosilicate won’t shatter like cheap glass. Excellent for beginners who want something rigid and precise.
Stainless Steel or Metal
Heavy, luxurious, and perfectly non-porous. Fantastic for temperature play and deep pressure. Polished medical-grade steel is unbreakable and sterilizable. Great if you love weight and firmness, though it can feel cold at first.
ABS Plastic or Hard Plastics
Firm, non-porous, and budget-friendly for basic models. Smooth and easy to clean, but less flexible than silicone.
Materials to Avoid at All Costs
Jelly rubber, PVC, vinyl, TPE/TPR, and anything porous or smelling strongly of chemicals. These often contain phthalates — linked to irritation, hormone disruption, and long-term health concerns. They’re porous, so bacteria and mold love them, and they can’t be fully sanitized. Even if labeled “phthalate-free,” many degrade quickly. If it smells like a new shower curtain or feels sticky, walk away. Use a condom over questionable toys only as a last resort; better to invest in safe materials from the start.
The smell test is your friend: quality silicone has almost no odor. Trusted brands clearly state “platinum-cure silicone” or “borosilicate glass” on packaging.
How to Choose the Right Size, Shape, Firmness, and Base
Size isn’t about impressing anyone — it’s about what feels good to you. Measure with a ruler: insertable length and circumference (wrap a string around and measure it). Beginners: aim for 4-6 inches insertable and 1-1.5 inches diameter. Too big too soon can cause discomfort or discourage you.
Shape matters for pleasure. Straight for simple thrusting; curved for G-spot/P-spot; tapered for gentle entry. Firmness: softer for realism and comfort, firmer for control and pressure. Most beginners like medium firmness.
Base: Flared or suction for safety and versatility. Never use anything without a proper base for anal play.
Texture: Start smooth. Add bumps or ridges later.
Price: Your first dildo should be $30-70. Cheap often means unsafe; expensive doesn’t always mean better. Focus on reputable shops that stand behind their products.
How to Use Your Dildo: Beginner-Friendly Techniques and Play Ideas
Once you have it, the fun begins. Always start slow.
Preparation
Relax in a private, comfortable space. Take a warm bath or do some light arousal first — fingers, clitoral stimulation, or your favorite fantasy. Lube is non-negotiable. Water-based for silicone (avoid silicone lube with silicone toys as it can degrade them); hybrid or oil-based for glass/metal. Apply generously and reapply often.
Insertion and Movement
Lie on your back with knees bent, or try side-lying or on all fours for different angles. Go slow — tease the entrance, breathe deeply, and only insert as much as feels good. Use small in-and-out motions or rocking against the G-spot. Experiment with positions: riding a suction-cup dildo hands-free can feel empowering.
Solo vs. Partner Play
Solo: Explore angles and depths at your pace. Partner: Communicate everything — speed, depth, angle. A harness dildo opens up strap-on fun.
Advanced Tips Once Comfortable
Combine with clitoral stimulation for blended orgasms. Try temperature play with glass or metal. Edge yourself by building arousal then pausing.
Listen to your body. Stop if anything hurts. Pleasure should never involve pain.
Essential Safety Notes and Best Practices
Clean before and after every use with mild soap and warm water or a dedicated toy cleaner. For non-porous materials, boil or use the dishwasher periodically. Dry thoroughly and store in a breathable bag away from other toys (silicone can react with some materials).
Use only with compatible lube. Never share without thorough cleaning and a barrier if needed. Store safely — no direct sunlight or extreme heat.
What Happens If You Overuse Your Dildo: Potential Health Issues and Red Flags
Used responsibly, dildos are very safe. But “overuse” — think daily long sessions without enough lube, rest, or proper cleaning — can lead to problems. Common issues include:
- Soreness and Microtears: Friction without enough lube or too much intensity can cause tiny tears in vaginal or anal tissue. Symptoms: burning, spotting, discomfort during normal activities.
- Infections: Porous toys or poor cleaning can introduce bacteria, leading to bacterial vaginosis, yeast infections, or UTIs. Anal-to-vaginal switching without cleaning is a big risk.
- Allergic Reactions or Irritation: Bad materials can cause rashes, itching, or chemical sensitivity.
- Tissue Strain or Loss of Sensitivity: Prolonged aggressive use might cause temporary swelling or reduced sensation (though the body usually recovers with rest).
- Rare but Serious: A toy getting stuck (especially anal without flared base) requires medical help. Tears that bleed heavily or severe pain need immediate attention.
Medical experts, including obstetrician-gynecologists, note that traumatic injury and infection are the most common (though still rare) risks when toys are misused. Porous materials and improper cleaning amplify these issues significantly.
Healing and Recovery: What to Do If Problems Arise
The first step is always rest. Stop using the dildo (and any penetration) until symptoms resolve — usually a few days to a week for minor irritation.
- Apply soothing, doctor-recommended creams or use plain coconut oil (if no infection) for external relief.
- Increase hydration and probiotics for vaginal/anal health.
- If infection signs appear (unusual discharge, strong odor, fever), see a doctor promptly. Antibiotics or antifungals may be needed.
- For tears or severe pain, seek gynecological or urgent care evaluation — stitches are rare but possible in extreme cases.
- Long-term: Switch to body-safe materials, use more lube, take breaks between sessions, and consider pelvic floor physical therapy if issues persist.
Prevention is far easier than healing: quality toy, generous lube, thorough cleaning, and listening to your body. Many users report zero issues when following these basics.
As emphasized by sexual medicine specialists and clinical guides for OB/GYNs, open communication with your doctor about toy use helps them provide tailored advice on anatomy, lubrication, and any underlying concerns. There’s no shame — healthcare providers see this all the time and want you to stay safe and enjoy your sexuality.
Frequently Asked Questions
How small should my first dildo be?
Start with 4-5 inches insertable and under 1.25 inches diameter if you’re new to penetration.
Start with 4-5 inches insertable and under 1.25 inches diameter if you’re new to penetration.
Can I use a dildo anally?
Yes — but only with a flared base and extra lube. Start even smaller.
Yes — but only with a flared base and extra lube. Start even smaller.
How do I clean it properly?
Mild soap and water for daily; boil or dishwasher for deep clean on non-porous toys.
Mild soap and water for daily; boil or dishwasher for deep clean on non-porous toys.
Will it stretch me permanently?
No. The body is elastic and returns to normal with rest.
No. The body is elastic and returns to normal with rest.
What if my partner judges my choice?
Choose for yourself first. Many couples end up loving the variety.
Choose for yourself first. Many couples end up loving the variety.
How often is too often?
Listen to your body. Daily is fine for many if you’re gentle, lubed, and clean. Take rest days if soreness appears.
Listen to your body. Daily is fine for many if you’re gentle, lubed, and clean. Take rest days if soreness appears.
Is glass safe?
High-quality borosilicate yes — it won’t break inside if dropped carefully.And many more — the point is, questions are normal, and answers exist.
High-quality borosilicate yes — it won’t break inside if dropped carefully.And many more — the point is, questions are normal, and answers exist.
Wrapping Up: Your Pleasure Journey Starts Here
Choosing your first dildo is a brave, empowering step toward knowing your body better. Take your time, trust the guidance above, and remember: the “perfect” toy is the one that feels good to you. Start safe, start small, and enjoy every discovery along the way.Your body deserves pleasure without worry. With the right material, size, and care routine, a dildo can become a lifelong friend in your self-care toolkit. If something doesn’t feel right, pause and adjust — or talk to a trusted healthcare provider. You’ve got this.Happy exploring. Your first dildo is waiting — and so is a whole new level of pleasure.
References
This guide draws from and recommends the following authoritative resources for further reading:
- Ask Lilly: Choosing Your First Dildo – A Guide for Beginners by Dangerous Lilly — an in-depth expert breakdown of size, shape, materials, and safety.
- Dildos 101: A beginner’s guide to choosing a dildo from BBoutique — practical advice on key considerations for first-time buyers.
- 8 Steps to Picking a Dildo That’ll Rock Your World by Kinkly — clear step-by-step process covering realism, texture, and base types.
- Is Your Dildo Safe? The Best & Worst Sex Toy Materials from mindbodygreen — detailed comparison of body-safe versus toxic materials with health explanations.
- A Clinical Reference Guide on Sexual Devices for Obstetrician-Gynecologists (Rubin et al., 2019) — medical perspective on safety, cleaning, infection risks, and device use from leading OB/GYN experts.
Always consult your own healthcare provider for personalized medical advice. Safe exploration starts with knowledge and care.
Disclaimer: This article is for educational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute medical or professional treatment advice. If you have health concerns, please consult a qualified physician or sexual health expert.
